How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
— Four: one to promise it, one to form a committee, one to study the impact, and one to blame the previous government when it burns out.
A boy asks his father, "Dad, do politicians lie?" "No son, they govern."
— "Ah, and what's the difference?"
A politician and a lawyer fall into water. Who do you rescue first?
— The politician. First the necessary, then the useful.
A politician on the campaign trail: 'I will fight against poverty, unemployment, and corruption.',
— A voter: 'Man, fighting against everything at once gives me a bad spine.'
What is the most punctual politician in history?
— The one who only shows up late when it's time to keep promises.
What's the difference between a politician and a pizza?
— The pizza keeps its promises.
Why do politicians never look out the window in the morning?
— Because if they did, they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon.
What's the difference between a politician and a magician?
— A magician makes your money disappear with tricks you can actually see.
What's the difference between a politician and a magician?
— The magician makes your money disappear with tricks that actually work.
A politician speaks for two hours. As he leaves, a journalist asks: "So what did he talk about?"
— "I don't know, but he spoke so well."
A politician says in a speech: "I promise to lower taxes." A citizen asks: "When?" The politician responds:
— "Right before the next election."
A politician giving a speech: "And I promise to fight for you until…" The lights go out.
— "Until I get paid the electricity bill!"