All jokes

A programmer prays every night for his code to work. God says: 'I can't help you with that, but I can make your errors quieter'.

— Now the programmer prays for his boss not to hear the server scream.

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?

— Four: one to promise it, one to form a committee, one to study the impact, and one to blame the previous government when it burns out.

A programmer was complaining that his code never worked as expected

— So God suggested trying a debugger instead of prayers

A lawyer got lost in the maze of courthouse hallways

— and ended up defending a client who wasn't his, but at least he won the case

A dog went to the psychologist because it felt it wasn't like other dogs.

— It turned out its problem was that it couldn't forget it was a dog disguised as a cat in its past life.

A friend recommended a Netflix series, saying it was so good it would completely absorb me.

— And he was right, now my partner has left me for it.

I tried to follow my grandmother's recipe and the oven started roaring like a motor.

— In the end, I discovered that I had put the pizza in Dad's toolbox and the motor was the drill.

I spent the whole night watching the new Netflix series because I was told it was addictive.

— And it turns out the only addictive thing was my ability to find excuses not to turn off the TV.

A tourist in Paris got lost in the subway and asked an employee for help.

— The employee said: 'Why don't you ask someone who isn't as lost as you?'

Why is my grandmother's recipe book full of notes in the margins?

— Because every time she did something right, she remembered to eat it.

A tourist in Japan got lost in the Tokyo subway and asked an employee for help.

— The employee gave him a map and said: 'Don't worry, it's like GPS, but with more kanji'.

My cat thinks it's a dog

— and won't stop barking at the dog pound

My family created a WhatsApp group for emergencies.

— Five minutes later, my uncle was already sending a video of a cat dancing salsa.

Why can't lawyers play hide and seek in the courts?

— Because they always find each other.

My partner and I have decided that every time one of us makes a mistake, the other has to...

— repeat the mistake so it's a shared error.

My dog has started imitating me, he does everything I do. He's even joined the gym.

— Now I have to pay his membership fee.

My boss asked me to evaluate my team's performance. I asked him how he wanted me to do it.

— He told me to just give them a pass or a fail, like in school.

My partner and I have decided that every time one of us makes a mistake, the other one has to...

— mute Spotify for a week.

A programmer prays every night for his code to work

— and the next day the server restarts

My uncle created a family WhatsApp group called 'Only emergencies'. Five minutes later, he was already sharing a video of a cat dancing salsa.

— The group is now called 'Emergencies and things that make me laugh at 3 AM'.

Le pedí a mi compañero que revisara mi código porque cada vez que lo ejecuto, el servidor se reinicia solo.

— Me dijo: 'Tranquilo, es que le has puesto un *while(true)* en el *main*... y tu PC es un *smart tostadora*'.

I went to the doctor because every time I cough, it sounds like I have an accordion in my chest.

— He prescribed me a lottery ticket: 'With this noise, either you'll get lucky or you'll get an autopsy'.

A tourist asks a local in Venice: —Where is the city's most famous bridge? The man points to the water and replies:

— —Down there, since they painted it green and mistook it for algae.

My boss told me that this company values transparency, so today I showed up with a shirt that said: 'I'm the one who always makes the coffee and no one appreciates it'.

— He congratulated me on my initiative and promoted me... to official office barista.

My uncle created a family WhatsApp group called 'Only emergencies'. Five minutes later, he was already sharing a video of a cat dancing salsa.

— The group is now called 'Emergencies and things that make me laugh at 3 AM'.

My grandmother swore that her croquette recipe was foolproof: 'You just have to add love and a bit of ham'.

— The problem was that the ham was from her dog, whose name was Love.

I went to the doctor because every time I cough, it sounds like I have an accordion in my chest.

— He prescribed me a lottery ticket: 'With this noise, either you'll get lucky or you'll get an autopsy'.

My uncle created a family WhatsApp group called 'Only emergencies'.

— The first message was a photo of his breakfast with the text: 'Does this count?'

The lawyer told his client: 'Don't worry, I have a friend in this court who's going to lend us a hand'.

— It turned out the friend was the court usher, who let them skip the line... but only because the trial was in the next room.

My boss told me that we value proactivity in this company, so today I arrived two hours early...

— to see how he leaves at six on the dot.