Doctor jokes

— Doctor, I'm invisible.

— — Who said that?

— Doctor, every time I wake up in the morning I feel dizzy for half an hour, and then it goes away.

— — Then just get up half an hour later.

Doctor, I think I'm addicted to the car's brake.

— Put a brake on that idea.

A doctor tells his patient: "Good news: you have at least a month left to live."

— The patient: "And the bad news?" The doctor: "I should have told you that two months ago."

Patient: "Will you give me a sick note for work?"

— "Why?" "Because I haven't been going for three weeks."

Doctor: "Do you smoke?" "Yes." "Do you drink?" "Yes." "Do you exercise?" "Never."

— "Then what do you need me for? Keep going like that and you'll get there on your own."

The doctor says: "Your blood pressure is through the roof. You need to rest."

— "But doctor, I'm an air traffic controller." "Well, let the planes take a break for a while."

A patient arrives at the emergency room: "I'm in pain all over! If I touch here, it hurts. If I touch here, it hurts."

— "You've got a broken finger."

Doctor: "Do you sleep well?" Patient: "Perfectly."

— "And when do you sleep?" "In the office, especially."

Doctor to patient: "You lead a very sedentary life."

— "Yes, the sofa and I are inseparable."

Doctor: 'You need to exercise regularly.'

— Doctor, I sweat just thinking about it.

Doctor: "You need to exercise regularly."

— "Doctor, it makes me sweat just thinking about it."

Doctor to the patient: 'You lead a very sedentary life.'

— 'Yes, my sofa and I are inseparable.'

— Doctor, my son swallowed a pen. What should I do?

— — Come as quickly as possible... I'll use the pencil in the meantime.

— Doctor, I snore so loudly that I wake myself up.

— — Try sleeping in another room.

— Doctor, I have the feeling that nobody listens to me.

— — Next patient!

— Doctor, it hurts when I lift my arm like this.

— — Then don't lift it like that.

Doctor to patient: "You lead a very sedentary life."

— "Yes, the sofa and I are inseparable."

Patient: "Doctor, my stomach hurts in the mornings."

— "What do you have for breakfast?" "A bowl of ice cream." "Every day?" "Also every day."

Doctor: "You need to exercise regularly."

— "Doctor, I sweat just thinking about it."

Patient: "Doctor, my nose is stuffed, my ears are plugged, and my throat is irritated."

— "Have you tried stopping complaining?"

Patient: "Doctor, ever since I started taking the pills, I feel invisible."

— "Next, please."