How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
— Four: one to promise it, one to form a committee, one to study the impact, and one to blame the previous government when it burns out.
What's the difference between a politician and a magician?
— The magician makes your money disappear with tricks that actually work.
A politician speaks for two hours. As he leaves, a journalist asks: "So what did he talk about?"
— "I don't know, but he spoke so well."
A politician says in a speech: "I promise to lower taxes." A citizen asks: "When?" The politician responds:
— "Right before the next election."
A politician giving a speech: "And I promise to fight for you until…" The lights go out.
— "Until I get paid the electricity bill!"