How many years have you been married?
— Forty years... of which at least five have been happy.
My wife told me, "You're always late, messy, and you never listen."
— I replied, "That's not entirely true."
A man comes home and says to his wife, "Honey, I won the lottery."
— "Great! Should we pack our bags?" "Sure, but where are you running away to?"
My wife says I have communication problems.
— At least I haven't told her anything about it.
What's the difference between a single man and a married man?
— The single man comes home, looks at what's in the fridge, and goes to bed. The married man comes home, looks at what's in the bed, and goes to the fridge.
How do you know a man is in love?
— He talks less and listens more. That lasts about three months.
My wife told me that if I kept talking about football, she'd leave me for the neighbor.
— I hope Barça plays well this season so she doesn't come back.
How can you tell a man is in love?
— He talks less and listens more. That lasts about three months.
My wife told me that if I kept talking about soccer, she'd leave me for the neighbor.
— I hope Barcelona plays well this season so she doesn't come back.
A man arrives home with a bouquet of flowers. His wife looks at him and says: "What do you want now?"
— "Nothing, dear, you're so distrustful..."