How many years have you been married?
— Forty years... of which at least five have been happy.
My wife told me, "You're always late, messy, and you never listen."
— I replied, "That's not entirely true."
A man comes home and says to his wife, "Honey, I won the lottery."
— "Great! Should we pack our bags?" "Sure, but where are you running away to?"
My wife says I have communication problems.
— At least I haven't told her anything about it.
What's the difference between a single man and a married man?
— The single man comes home, looks at what's in the fridge, and goes to bed. The married man comes home, looks at what's in the bed, and goes to the fridge.
How do you know a man is in love?
— He talks less and listens more. That lasts about three months.
My wife told me that if I kept talking about football, she'd leave me for the neighbor.
— I hope Barça plays well this season so she doesn't come back.
How can you tell a man is in love?
— He talks less and listens more. That lasts about three months.
My wife told me that if I kept talking about soccer, she'd leave me for the neighbor.
— I hope Barcelona plays well this season so she doesn't come back.
A man arrives home with a bouquet of flowers. His wife looks at him and says: "What do you want now?"
— "Nothing, dear, you're so distrustful..."
Mi mujer me dijo que si seguía hablando de fútbol se iba a ir con el vecino.
— Espero que el Barça juegue bien esta temporada para que no vuelva.
¿Cómo se sabe que un hombre está enamorado?
— Habla menos y escucha más. Eso dura unos tres meses.
Un hombre en el médico: «Doctor, mi mujer cree que soy un semáforo».
— El médico: «Cálmese. ¿Lleva mucho tiempo así?» El hombre: «Pues desde que me casé, no para de ponerse verde cuando me paro delante de otra».
¿Cuántos años lleváis casados?
— «Cuarenta años... de los cuales al menos cinco han sido felices.»
Mi mujer dice que tengo problemas de comunicación.
— Yo al menos no le he dicho nada al respecto.
¿Por qué los pájaros vuelan hacia el sur en invierno?
— Porque si fueran a pie tardarían demasiado.
👍 2How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
— Four: one to promise it, one to form a committee,
👍 1Fui al médico con un problema muy extraño. Cada vez que me r
— El médico me dijo que era un caso de 'cefalea hila
👍 1A programmer prays every night for his code to work. God say
— Now the programmer prays for his boss not to hear
👍 1La maestra: "Jaimito, dime tres productos del cerdo."
— "El jamón, el chorizo y mi vecino del tercero."
👍 0Comparte chistes y ríete con la comunidad en tiempo real.