Chistes de locos

Two crazy people in the asylum garden. One puts on music and the other starts dancing.

— The first says, "Stop, the music is in my head."

The psychiatrist asks the patient: "Do you ever talk to yourself?" The patient replies: "Only when I need to talk to someone intelligent."

— The doctor writes in his notebook: "Healthy. I'm leaving."

A psychiatrist asks his patient: "How many times have I told you that you don't have an inferiority complex, that you're actually inferior?"

— Patient: "Many times, doctor, but I just don't believe it."

In the asylum, one lunatic says to another, "I'm going to jump from here and fly to the moon."

— The other replies, "Go ahead, I'll turn off the lights."

The doctor asks the patient: "Do you still think you're a light bulb?"

— The patient: "No, not anymore." The doctor: "Great, have you improved?" "No, now I think I'm a candle. But a good one, made of wax."

A patient at the psychiatric hospital tells the doctor: "Doctor, I think I'm a dog."

— "Since when?" "Since I was a puppy." "Sit down." "I can't, they won't let me get on the couch."

At the psychiatric hospital, one patient says to another: "Did you know Einstein was crazy?"

— "So?" "Well, we're in good company."

A patient tells a psychiatrist: "Doctor, I feel like I'm invisible."

— "Who says that?"

Two crazy people are climbing a mountain. One says to the other:

— "Do you see that cliff?" "Yes." "Well, I almost fell off it yesterday." "So?" "And today I came to see if I can fall."

The doctor asks a patient: "How are you?"

— "Today I'm Napoleon." "And yesterday?" "Yesterday I was Napoleon too, but centuries ago I had an operation."

A madman is watering the asylum's garden when it isn't raining.

— The doctor asks him why. "So the umbrellas will grow."

A psychiatrist arrives at work and finds all the patients wearing their pajamas inside out.

— He asks the nurse and she responds: 'I told them today was Reverse Day.'

A crazy person tells another in the asylum: "Do you know we're surrounded by walls on all sides?"

— "I know, that's what makes them sane."

A madman has been staring at a juice box for two days because it says: "Concentrate."

— On the third day, the doctor says: "He's improved! He's looking at the box without obsession." The madman: "It's just that I've finished concentrating."

A crazy man runs down the hallway of the asylum screaming: "I'm free! I'm free!"

— Another one peers out and says: "Lucky you, I have 47."

A crazy person knocks on the door of an insane asylum with a fishing rod.

— The doorman: "What are you doing?" The crazy person: "I'm fishing." The doorman: "There are no fish here, idiot." The crazy person: "And what are you doing here then?"

A madman is watering the asylum's garden when it's not raining.

— The doctor asks him why. "So the umbrellas will grow."

Un loco le dice a otro en el manicomio: "¿Sabes que estamos rodeados de muros por todas partes?"

— "Ya lo sé, eso es lo que les hace sanos a ellos."

Un psiquiatra llega al trabajo y se encuentra todos los pacientes con el pijama al revés.

— Pregunta a la enfermera y ella responde: "Les dije que hoy era el día al revés."

Un paciente del psiquiátrico le dice al médico: "Doctor, creo que soy un perro."

— "¿Desde cuándo?" "Desde que era cachorro." "Siéntese." "No puedo, no me dejan subir al sofá."

En el psiquiátrico le preguntan a un paciente si quiere café.

— "No gracias, ya tengo dos. Uno en cada oreja."

El doctor le pregunta a un paciente: "¿Cómo está usted?"

— "Hoy soy Napoleón." "¿Y ayer?" "Ayer era Napoleón también, pero hace siglos me operaron."

Un loco está regando el jardín del manicomio cuando no llueve.

— El médico le pregunta por qué. "Para que crezcan los paraguas."

Un médico le dice a un paciente: "¿Qué cree usted que tiene?"

— "Una moto con sidecar." "¿Por qué?" "Porque todo me suda."

Dos locos están escalando una montaña. Uno le dice al otro:

— "¿Ves ese precipicio?" "Sí." "Pues yo casi me caí ahí ayer." "¿Y?" "Y hoy vengo a ver si me caigo."

Un paciente le dice al psiquiatra: "Doctor, me siento como si fuera invisible."

— "¿Quién lo dice?"

En el psiquiátrico un paciente le dice a otro: "¿Sabías que Einstein era loco?"

— "¿Y?" "Que estamos en buena compañía."

En el manicomio, un loco le dice a otro: "Voy a saltar desde aquí y volar hasta la luna."

— El otro le responde: "Hazlo, que yo apago la luz."

Un psiquiatra le pregunta a su paciente: "¿Cuántas veces le he dicho que no tiene complejo de inferioridad, que es usted inferior de verdad?"

— El paciente: "Muchas veces, doctor, pero es que no me lo creo."

Un loco está pescando en la bañera.

— El psiquiatra le pregunta: "¿Pica algo?" El loco: "No, ¿cómo van a picar si estamos en el quinto piso?"