Humans are wonderfully consistent in our weirdness. These ten habits are basically universal — and yet somehow remain unspoken.
1. Talking to yourself
Not a sign of madness. Actually a sign of high verbal intelligence, according to some researchers. You still do it while pretending you do not.
2. Googling your symptoms at midnight
A mild headache becomes a brain tumour. A slightly stiff neck is meningitis. Google is not a doctor. You know this. You still do it.
3. Rehearsing arguments that never happen
You have had dozens of devastating comebacks perfectly prepared for conversations that never took place. Your imaginary opponents always lose.
4. Checking the fridge repeatedly
Nothing new appears. You check again anyway, with slightly more optimism each time.
5. Reading Terms & Conditions
No one reads them. Everyone clicks "I agree." This is how we all legally signed away our souls at some point in the early 2000s.
6. Sniffing food to see if it is still good
Expiry dates are a suggestion. Your nose is the final authority.
7. Waving back at someone who was not waving at you
And then spending the next 30 seconds processing what just happened while walking slightly faster.
8. Planning to start your diet on Monday
Monday comes. Monday goes. The next Monday is similarly transformative.
9. Pretending to be on the phone to avoid someone
A deeply ethical use of technology. They never know.
10. Mentally singing a song you hate all day
You did not ask for this. You did not want this. The song does not care.
If you recognised yourself in several of these: welcome to being human. You are in extremely good company.
